The great defrost

I'm in the process of thawing out. On Friday I printed off my last National Board entry, laid out all the paper work on my bed for a quick quadruple check and released my blue box to Gaye who is taking it to the states for me. What a process this National Boardy thingy has been.

I learned about myself as I wrote, analyzed and dedicated almost every weekend this year to this process. I learned that I thrive in structure. This surprised me; I thought I was a wild child who embraced spontaneity. Actually, I found myself pondering this as I became giddy by my ridged schedule of teaching, working out, dinner, and studying. I loved the rhythm this routine brought. I loved how quickly the clock ran while I engaged in this. I loved setting the daily goals and then crossing them off the list. So, how does this fit with my love for free expression and art and spontaneous flitterings about nature? While I was reading a book on how to teach reading I read this quote that led to an epiphany.

It is significant to realize that the most creative environments in our society are not the ever-changing one. The artist's studio, the researcher's laboratory, the scholar's library are each deliberately kept simple so as to support the complexities of the work-in-progress. They are deliberately kept predictable so the unpredictable can happen.
-Lucy Calkins

Brilliant! My life has been summarized. I was telling my mom that I love growing older because these are the types of discoveries that we get to make. It is an adventure of self-discovery; older people seem so secure in who they are.

I was surprised with my ability to focus. I literally put aside all other pressing issues and was able to focus just on my National Boards. I think living in Nigeria helped to do this; if I was at home I would want to met with Katy to take photos. I would have planned to swim with Mardie. Kathy and I could have worked in her garden or walked with Nora. I could have been in Sandra and Kevin's glorious wedding. I could have flown down to Pacific Grove to celebrate my grandma's 80th birthday. I could have gone to yoga with my Marme. Good thing Nigeria is far away and no one cares if I shut myself in my room and am not heard from all weekend.

I feel like I am defrosting. I had to be so focused. So dedicated. I have to admit I was impatient with people. You are probably glad I am so far away. I found my patience for silly questions, slow people or other people's disorganization to be absolutely nil. I would be irritated with all those people at our school who meander at a turtles speed and don't move to the side when someone else wants to get by. Or those in the financial office that take money out of my account with an invoice that doesn't even state what the amount is for. I just am tired of living here. I am tired of living with people who can't do their job properly. And I am ready to come home. I don't like who I am here. I don't like the aggression that is common place here and necessary if you are to be taken seriously by anyone.

But, before I come home I am going to Portugal for my spring break! To be exact I will be on a plane in 19 days! It will be wonderful to see a new place and experience a new culture. Today I have been booking different hostels and dreaming about swimming and hiking in a new land. It is going to be beautiful.

In the meantime I have been celebrating my new found free time by watching Gilmore Girls, buying plane tickets, and watching some beautiful contemporary dance http://www.evidencedance.com/. Tonight I am going out to celebrate by eating dinner with some other teachers. We are going to the GQ where the margaritas are cheap. They plan on drinking whole individual pitchers. I plan on getting some good cheap food and a nice chapman which is a traditional drink of Nigeria. Complete with a cucumber.